OUT OF TOUCH

Sorry for not keeping in touch. Been on holidays and then putting up friends from home. Hope I have some free time next week to continue bringing you all the nonsense I can think of.

Ciao for now!!

BEARY CHEESY AND BEARY OVER THE TOP!
and that's how we like it! Well, not the bear bit, really.. A foursome comprising of bears (a gay term for big hairy men!) has created quite a stir with their medley of favourite gay tracks like Donna Summer's I Feel Love, Dead or Alive's You Spin Me Round (Like A Record), Jimmy Sommerville's Don't Leave Me This Way and even Sabrina's Boys (Summertime Love)!!! In terms of audacity, they are right up there with, let's say Boy George in the 80's. Take a look at their music video on YouTube : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twQlpFrm5iM and enjoy the sheer campness of a group made up of 1 Irish guy and 3 dutch men. I still can't believe it!!
It's genius!

GENIUSES OR JUST BARKING MAD?

The Men Spring/Summer 2008 collection rolled out in Paris this month. But will the men, however gay they are, be queuing up to wear what Jean-Paul Gaultier, John Galliano and Thierry Mugler have in store? Hmmm.. I doubt it! Take a look and judge for yourself!

MADONNA'S NEW ALBUM

Seems like an Oct/Nov 2007 release is imminent but what's the album going to be called? Hmmm.. what about BLACKSTAR? Timbaland teased Madonna that she should call her new album that but claims that she'll never be black! Hmm.. and what did her Madgesty retorted? Well her sharp tongue lashed back by saying that she's been doing black music when he was still in diapers.. hahah! Madonna 1 - Timbaland 0. Nice to see that they're having fun while making the album!

Fact: when Timbaland was 12, Madonna was already making R&B music like Holiday, Physical Attraction and Borderline.

I'M READY FOR MY CLOSE-UP, OFFICER

It was only a matter of time. Presenting the mugshots of the sad girls of Hollywood. Linsay, Paris and Nicole. The only one missing in this line-up is Britney. Seriously, I think there's something in the water over in California. Oh that's right, it's tainted with alcohol and cocaine. Good grief!

Lock up your daughters please.

MY TOP 10 FAVOURITE TRACK OF THE MOMENT

1. Please Don't Stop The Music - Rihanna

2. The Way I Are - Timbaland feat. Keri Hilson & D.O.E.

3. Soulmate (Bimbo Jones Remix Edit) - Natasha Bedingfield

4. Do It Again - Chemical Brothers

5. Gotta Work - Amerie

6. Listen Up! (2007 Version) - The Gossip

7. Lovestoned (Don-Zee Remix) - Justin Timberlake

8. Flourescent Adolescent - Artic Monkeys

9. Wake Up Call - Maroon 5

10. Foundations - Kate Nash

There you go folks! My fave tracks that I've been listening to on my iPod! First up is Rihanna's new single which I was raving about a month ago and finally released as a single. No other words needed to describe this fab song! Check out the video on YouTube! Timbaland's new single is doing well on both sides of the atlantic which is surprising since no big artiste is featured on this track! It's almost a mash-up of Justin's SexyBack and My Love though except for the female vocals. Loved it! Natasha Beddingfield's new ballad remixed by Bimbo Jones gets my thumbs up! It's been speeded up and is gloriously discotastic! Yum! Chemical Brother's new offering is quite funky. Electro beeps and thumping bass and sequenchers ahoy but it worked! Gets me krumping in no time! Artic Monkey's new single is not their best but it's pretty sweet. Their mad chorus and inventive song titles are what's keeping them at the top! Honestly! Let me present a quirky new song by Kate Nash to you. It's called Foundations and it's sung almost like talking and in a slightly cockney accent. Great! It's like hearing Lauren from Catherine Tate singing! Hahah!

HUGE DOGGY DOG!
Oh dear me. Take a look at this gigantic Great Dane/Newfoundland breed! His name is Samson and he weighs 125kg! On his hind legs, he is 1.96m tall! Almost as tall as an average Dutch man! Ahem. Bet each of his bollocks is as big as the terrier below him! Female Chihuahuas need not apply! You'd just explode bitches!

WHERE'S MIMI???

We've not heard from her for awhile now! But she's alive and well actually, soaking up the sun somewhere in Italy. Capri to be more precise. Poor girl is sucking up her tummy so much her titties might explode! She looks happy though hamming it up for the paparazzis.. Actually, disillusioned, morelike.. Hahah!

Get back to work girlfriend! You're getting lazy, you are!

THE BECKHAMS BECKON..

Now that Posh and Becks are taking the US by storm, no one can argue that a TV show about them and an exclusive cover on glam mag are anything but excessive, eh? Well, kudos to Victoria for working hard to be accepted there! She's fully lapping up the attention.. I must admit though, that their cover for the W magazine out this month is actually quite amazing! Photos by Steven Klein (Madonna's fave photographer!!)

F-L-A-W-L-E-S-S !

What can one say? The Adopted Queen of England, Madonna, absolutely rocked Wembley with her performance for Live Earth! Wearing a knee-length black leotard complete with a wraparound dress and a sequinned corset/shoulder strap-on sleeves combo (courtesy of Mr. Roberto Cavalli, no less) and the sharpest pair of 5" heels I've ever seen, she made the 70,000-strong crowd jumped like maniacs! Although the performance was mostly straight from the Confessions Tour, Madge made it fresh again! Especially when she was joined by her new friends from the Gorgol Bordello band, Serge and Eugene for the raucous gypsified version of La Isla Bonita! I defy anyone to sit still throughout her performance, well except when she started with Hey You. That made the stadium stood up and stare and not to mention sing along! She was absolutely and fabulously gorgeous! The hair, the make-up, the clothes, the heels.. *faints* Her dancers were fantastic too! Especially Cloud. Yum! God Bless The Queen of the Earth. Altogether now! Lela lela lela lela para tutte..

o-v-e-r!

So the gorgeous Paul Sculfor has broken up with Miss Aniston! Yay! Hahah! My blog is definitely turning into a gossip site as we speak! Uh-oh!

MUMMY'S BUSY SAVING THE WORLD. GO ASK DADDY!

Since Madge is busy saving the world (ie. rehearsing for her mega performance in Wembley for Live Earth), Rocco has no choice but to hang out with daddy! Even little David has no mummy to play with! Poor Guy! He's currently shooting his new gangster flick, RocknRolla but still has to find time juggling his boys! Well, I think Guy's pretty cool!

EARTHLINGS, CAN WE GET TOGETHER?
Folks! This Saturday, 07/07/07 (my mum's birthday!!) is a very important day for Earth as we will witness a string of concerts around the world for climate in crisis. Needless to say, we should all watch and learn and enjoy how we can save the planet! Madonna will be taking centrestage in Wembley Stadium for the UK part of the programme. Check out your tv listings! She will be performing an amazing 4-song set which includes a gypsified russian version of her timeless La Isla Bonita! Her costumes are rumoured to be designed by Vivienne Westwood, so expect an impact so huge, you might want to cut your carbon footprint forever and ditch your cars and planes (erm.. not sure actually!) Anyway, just watch and learn! Below is the list of other performers scheduled to participate!

How very exciting!!!!

DANCING PRINCES

Who'd have thought that you can witness Prince William and Prince Harry jigging their asses, I mean, their posteriors (sorry your highnesses!), in front of the camera that was being broadcasted 'live' to 140 countries (that's like, 500 million viewers, ok?). And they were shaking to Pharrell's music! Cool royalty! All this for their heartfelt tribute concert in aid of all the charities patroned by their late mum, Diana, Princess of Wales. The show ran to about 6 and 1/2 hours featuring top-notch artistes like Nelly Furtado, Duran Duran, Lily Allen, Take That, Elton John, Joss Stone etc! They even managed to get Lord Sir Andrew Lyold Webber to create a medley of his famous musicals.. Well done boys! Even Simon Cowell quipped that if they need a job in entertainment production, they can call him up!

When 2 Tribes Go To War!
Well it seems that the setlist of Madonna's performance at Live Earth was the subject of a battle between 2 Madonna fansites today! Apparently the setlist was posted on MadonnaTribe's (http://www.madonnatribe.com/) forum by its member a few minutes after DrownedMadonna (http://www.drownedmadonna.com/) has revealed the setlist 'exclusively'. So the latter, being obviously pissed off, attacked the other site on its frontpage (very subtle bitching, NOT!) Hmm... pretty childish I must say but I can understand the need to be exclusive! Hahah! Anyway, thanks to them I know the setlist for next Saturday's Live Earth!

Madge will be performing:
1. Hey You
2. La Isla Bonita
3. Ray Of Light
4. Hung Up
Yay!! I hope she re-invent the songs a bit and not a wholesale regurgitation of the Confessions Tour! Nonetheless, it's for a good cause and we're lucky that she's even performing!

SPICE MAMAS
OK. The reunion is on! Yay! I guess judging by their cheesy grins, the new all-improved and 'mature' spicy girlies are bound to score some massive incentives for making this happen! Their 25-city World Tour will begin as soon as Christmas! I hope Baby Spice has enough time to nurse her own baby before she starts doing this!

UGLIEST DOG IN THE WORLD

Now that we've seen the smallest dog in the world, I present you the ugliest bitch in the world! His name is Elwood (yeah.. Hell Would, morelike..) and he's of Chinese Crested breed - must be the eyes, I think. *joke* His tongue is already enough to turn the ladies off, which incidentally looks like the gigantic slug that hides in my garden! Hahah.. He looks evil though. Like he's gonna spit you and ask you who's the daddy..

Aaah. Memories flooding back ;-)

smallest dog in the world?
looks like a rat to me!

name: ducky

height: 4.9 inches

weight: 1.4lbs

breed: chihuahua

origin: Charlton, Massachuchetts USA

ambition: to be like Nicole Ritchie - anorexic extraordinaire (haha!)

BECKHAM LOVES THE BOYS..

Well, his boys anyway. Check out the boys with their daddy! Er.. the 2nd tiniest is looking like Posh. Not a good sign. Snouty nose and dodgy smile.. Therapy beckons..

BRITTERS IN A NUTSHELL

What's wrong with our pop princess? I want her normal self back please! Ditch the trailer-trash look, go to the gym, make fabulous pop music and dance yourself silly and all is forgiven. I mean NOW! You've made enough mistakes in life already!

RIHANNA : GOOD GIRL GONE REALLY GOOD, ACTUALLY

OK. I have to do this album review because I'm just so damn satisfied with Rihanna at the moment. Apart from looking scrumptious with her jet black bob hairdo (Naomi take note!), Rihanna has quite effectively made a bumper of a record. Of cos, I don't have to mention the hum-in-your-sleep single, UMBRELLA-ELLA-ELLA-EH-EH cos that has already went to No.1 in most countries in the planet as we speak. The tracks following that in the album are bound to be massive. The new single, Shut Up and Drive is well, highway cruise-tastic! She ain't talking about her car here, if you know what I mean. Can't wait for the raunchy video! And if you think that Rihanna is all R&B and Hip-Hop, think again. Most of her songs in this album are a mixture of funk, pop and rock. Thanks heaploads to her producers, Stargate, Rogers & Sturken, C. 'Tricky' Stewart, Ne-Yo and Timbaland. While the Timbaland tracks are A-OK, check out the Stargate-produced Don't Stop The Music. This funky toe-tapper of a monster track samples Michael Jackson's 'Wanna Be Startin' Somethin''s mamasey-mamasa-mamakoosa tribal chant and bits of Jackson's wailing 'Hee Hee'. I'm listening to this as we speak and I'm completely taken over, ie. I'm swaying and bouncing like a mad barking tree! This album has quite a few samples going on. Apart from Mr. Jackson, Lionel Ritchie's Running With The Night is sampled on Push Up On Me and New Order's Blue Monday is used for Shut Up and Drive. Another track that blew me away is Breaking Dishes. What an original title! It's Rihanna being pissed off with her man and breaking dishes and won't stop til she sees the police lights! Oo-er. Do not mess with this missy when she is having a hissy. So if you like thumping beats, here's your album. But if you like your Rihanna when she's Unfaithful, you'll be happy with 'Cry' - a tender ballad not unlike her last hit, but then it's only available as a bonus track in the UK and Japan. Nevermind that because Question Existing, her mental note on her existence in life (heavy, eh?) will knock your ballad socks off.. Miss Beyonce Knowles. Get packing cos your time is up.

I'm giving this fab album 5 stars out of 5. Check out the limited edition album that comes with remixes of tracks from the album + SOS (Digital Dog Remix) thrown in for good measure! She rocks!! Yay!

Back in the cell, please.. enough said.

MADONNA'S TRILLIONTH COVER FOR VANITY FAIR

Well, I'm just exaggerating a bit. Madonna has done loads of cover for Vanity Fair since 1986, I think and now she can add 2 more as part of the special edition of 20 different covers for the July edition. This issue is all about Africa and how to make it a better place.. yay! Madonna looked gorgeous of cos!

MY TOP 5 FAVOURITE REMIXERS/DJ
OK. I have rattled on and on about remixes of songs that I loved or still love. So bear with me for a bit whilst I list my favourite lot of the moment.


1. Seamus Haji
If you love throwing your handbag around in a club, this is the DJ for you. A resident DJ at Pacha, Ibiza for 4 years, this South Londoner of an Irish/Indian descent can build up any song to make it an Ibiza summer killer track (whatever that means!). My current favourites are his treatment for Booty Luv's Boogie 2nite and Rihanna's Umbrella.

2. Dave Audé
I can't get enough of his remix (in collaboration with Richard Vission) for Hilary Duff's With Love. Án electro-friendly pop turned into a massive disco-thumping anthem. Dave has remixed for many mainstream pop acts such as Sting, Coldplay, Alanis Morrisette, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Kelly Clarkson. His remix for Madonna's Music in 2000 still remains unreleased.

3. Offer Nissim
I was introduced to the sound of this Israeli DJ by my good friend although I've kind of heard about him when I was in New York. Offer offers (sorry.. couldn't resist!) disco beats with a middle-eastern twist! His rare remixes for Madonna's Jump & Isaac are very well structured and his surprising use of acoustic tremolo (persian guitar) is a welcome change on the dancefloors. Check out his remix for Christina Aguilera's Hurt & Candy Man. Your feet will not stay still for long!

4. Jody den Broeder
Not much is known about this guy but he sounds Dutch to me! Take a listen to his incredible mix (Jody Destruction Remix) of Rihanna's Umbrella and you'll know he will be huge in no time! If you look at this DJ's discography, you'll be impressed too! He collaborates with Tony Moran and Chris Cox on many club hits including Madonna's Get Together, Nelly Furtado's 'Promiscous Girl' and Beyoncé's Irreplaceable! Go check him out!

5. Moto Blanco
The duo of Bobby Blanco & Miki Moto was nominated for a grammy last year for remixing Mary J. Blige's Be Without You. Deservedly so! Mary's lovelorn tale was reinvented as a massive club anthem. Since then, they've been commissioned to remix Bananarama, George Michael, Mutya (ex-Sugababes), Darren Hayes, Pet Shop Boys, Mika and Ciara.

BATTLE OF THE SWAMP DIVAS

Hmm.. Look closer at the picture. This is a result of an unusual clash between a burmese python and an alligator! The python apparently tried to swallow her rival whole but exploded! This happened in the Florida's swamps. The python's remains were found with the victim's tail protruding from its burst midsection. The head of the python was missing. Oo-er!

MY TOP 5 TRACKS OF THE WEEK.

OK. I've been a bit of a slack with reporting my fave tracks. I wanted to do a proper review of the songs I'm enjoying right now, rather than just slapping the single cover and exclaim my interest! So I'll start reviewing properly from now.

1. How To Save A Life - The Fray

This song by the Denver group passed me by unnoticed when it was in the charts a month ago. I thought it was OK and nothing to rave about. But I saw them live on BBC1 last week and boy was I hooked! The lead singer's woeful paen to his drugged out friend won me over and his vocal performance was tears-inducing. The simple melody and powerful lyrics made this a top notch song!

2. Take Control - Amerie

Yes I'm still going on and on about this song. I think it's a gem. That guitar riff will jumpstart your hips to shakira-esque proportions, I swear! Oh and to add more cred, the male backing vocals are courtesy of that chubby guy of Gnarls Barkley! Coolness.

3. Hey You - Madonna

It's a shame that this song is a charity single and won't be eligible to chart. It's Mrs Ritchie finest moment being vocally raw and persuasive. The music is soft and gentle, reminiscent of a Beatles track (I think!) or was it Simon and Garfunkel(!). Anyway, I demand a video for this!

4. Umbrella (Seamus Haji & Paul Emmanuel Remix) - Rihanna

UK no.1 song of the week. Go figure! But as warned by me a couple of weeks ago, this will do well everywhere. I'd opt for the remix though. It's sassy and dancey and more of my taste. Seamus Haji is my fave remixer at the moment!

5. In The Dark - Tiesto feat. Christian Burns

Remember BBMak? No? Well they were a UK trio who made girls swoon with their soppy luuurve songs. Their 1999 single, Back Here was no.1 in the US and Singapore (amongst other asian countries.. - hey I bought their album!). And what's this gotta do with my fave fifth track? Well, Christian was the lead singer of BBMak! Yay! Tiesto has brought him back from obscurity, ie. the dumperville. Tiesto's dark grooves easily compliment Christian's vocals and it's a winner! I love it! I must admit that I thought this was a remixed Killers track. Christian sounds like Brandon Flowers at times!

AMERICAN IDLE

If truth is to be told, I really regretted following this year's American Idol. Waste of disk space, really. Nothing worth highlighting at all. The final 2 contestants couldn't cut the mustard. Very bad performances. Blake is cute enough and Jordin has vocal potential but that's it! Hardly stars in the making.. Anyway, I won't tune in anymore next year! Ugh! So who can't wait for SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE?

PARISH HILTON

2 weeks to go before she goes for her reduced jail term (23 days only!), we see Poor Little Rich Girl grabbing herself a bible and a self-help book! Er.. you can repent girlfriend but it's too late! Those big scary lesbians are waiting for you in the showers and they don't like to hear the Lord's name in vain.. or maybe they do! My prayers are with you.. well, not really!

ALL SPICED UP If the News of the World tabloid is to be believed, the Spice Girls reunion is taking shape as we speak. Emma Bunton and Geri Halliwell were spotted this week coming out of a recording studio belonging to Richard Stannard who wrote and produced the Spice Girls songs at their peak. Mel C was reported to be the single spice not in favour of the reunion. Well, seeing that her last single, 'Candy', didn't exactly set the charts on fire plus the ₤1 million offer for each girl if they agree to make a comeback is kinda temptinglicious. Well, let's hope they do because I need my Spice fix! Girl Power ahoy! Woo hoo!